I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
