Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
