Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
