Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
