the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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