He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
