Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
