do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Success! We fucked roommates!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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