So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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