i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
