I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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