her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
