Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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