Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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