This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
