I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
