We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
it was like eating out sand paper
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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