Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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