I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
