Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
