It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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