there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
