I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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