I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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