puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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