Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
