So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
