**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
