he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
