Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
