Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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