So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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