Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
