So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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