Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
