Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
