I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
