Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
