I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is Oprah even human
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
