I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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