Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
