dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
