I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My breasts were aching with rage.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
