Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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