I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
