I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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