I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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