I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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