there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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