I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
