Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
