Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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