During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and she was petting her beer can
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
