I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
